On the steps of City Hall, I ran through my list of hard-hitting questions for the new mayor:
“Will congestion surge pricing impact ‘car ride’ time?”
“What’s your plan for strengthening relations with the cat community? Or are we looking at continued tension?”
“How will your coalition protect against squirrel opposition?”
But when I finally approached Simon, he was SO freaking cute that the only thing that tumbled out of my mouth was: “Who’s a good boy?” Despite already knowing the answer (Simon), I repeated the question several times.
A few minutes later, a man in a suit hurried over, pointing at his wrist. “It’s time!” With that, Simon was ushered to the front and gently hoisted onto his official, mayoral platform. Dog and human citizens gathered for this historic moment. The indoguration was about to begin.
For those unfamiliar with “pawlitics,” Mayor Sally Longdog served as canine mayor of New York for two years (that’s fourteen dog years), and it was time for her to pass the leash. Simon, a basset-cattle dog rescue from the Upper West Side, emerged victorious after a four-month, somewhat chaotic social media election. While some humans have rejected election results based on imaginary claims of voter fraud, the poor doggy candidates endured ACTUAL, proven voter fraud, involving bot interference, a cryptocurrency scheme, and voter tampering.
Despite all the complications, Stephen Calabria, the organizer of the dog mayor election, worked tirelessly to restore integrity to the process. Simon, a beloved rescue dog from the Upper West Side, was officially declared the winner.
Our future doggy mayor sat proudly on stage in front of his owner, Sophie Vershbow. On another platform sat—well, snoozed (is she snoozing?!)—Mayor Sally Longdog, the outgoing doggy mayor. The canine press secretary, Charlotte, was so excited she frequently had to step away from the indoguration for the zoomies. The honorable deputy dog mayor, Pepper the Dachshund, sat supportively next to Simon.
Then, the city’s Public Advocate, Jumaane Williams, took the stage, tossing in a few dog puns as he led the usual swearing-in agreement. And just like that, Simon took his Arf! of office. Everyone cheered! The peaceful transfer of power was so peaceful that Mayor Sally Longdog was literally dozing off.
It would be natural to say Simon’s oath filled me with optimism for “our future!” But Mayor Simon doesn’t have a concept of the future. Unlike human politicians, Simon can’t promise to fix public transportation, solve the housing crisis, or eliminate crime. He can’t write laws or assure his voters that significant change will come down the line.
Mayor Simon does more than that.
At a time when the future feels uncertain, and everyone feels so disconnected, Mayor Simon’s real power lies in bringing people together and providing joy in the present. On this sunny winter Sunday in New York City, surrounded by happy dogs and smiling humans, we all stood there, staring up at a rescue dog in a top hat and office tie—who, incredibly, we just swore in as our new doggy mayor, as if that were perfectly reasonable. My heart fluttered with warmth. For now, the present was more than enough.
Fern Watt reports on New York City’s canine affairs.
