Admit it, you heard the jingle when you read the headline.
A quarter century ago, shortly before the internet took over advertising and just about everything else, two little-known upstate attorneys, Ross Cellino Jr. and Steve Barnes, managed to launch the notorious, once ubiquitous personal injury firm of Cellino & Barnes by relying on a short and simple.
If you lived in the tri-state area and watched daytime television in the late 1990s, you probably remember the jingle: “Cellino and Barnes, injury attorneys, 800-888-8888.” It was so effective that it even inspired a “Saturday Night Live” parody. Heard again today, it has the nostalgic glow of a lullaby.
The story of how Cellino and Barnes came together, achieved financial success, became mired in scandal, and ultimately parted ways is reinterpreted as a feel-good buddy comedy/bromance tinged with satire and absurdist twists in the two-hander “Cellino v. Barnes.”
Originally performed in Brooklyn in 2018 by its authors, Mike B. Breen and David Rafailedes, the play is now receiving a no-frills production at Asylum NYC, a comedy venue near Madison Square Park, directed by Wesley Taylor (“Smash”) and Alex Wyse (“Good Night, Oscar”) and starring Eric William Morris (“King Kong”) as an over-the-top, bumbling Cellino and Noah Weisberg (who wears a bald cap) as a book-smart, smarmy Barnes.
I once worked, very briefly, as an attorney at a personal injury law firm similar to Cellino & Barnes. The firm makes money on a contingency basis (i.e., if and when its clients receive a settlement or favorable verdict). It was not a pleasant experience, and I then spent a decade working on the other side, defending municipal entities like the MTA in personal injury lawsuits.
“Cellino v. Barnes” resembles a 10-minute sketch that has been uncomfortably stretched to 80 minutes. Occasional funny bits (such as Cellino mistaking the fax machine for a shredder, causing chaos) are mixed in with strained one-liners and an uncomfortable sense that the actors, especially Morris, are overdoing their performances.
The “meet cute” first scene is not unlike the initial meeting of Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom in “The Producers,” where an unlikely pair comes together and forms an unlikely plan to achieve success using shady means. But from then on, the play lacks conflict and character development, even as it follows the firm’s s rocky trajectory and ties things up with an upbeat dream sequence finale.
Following the Off-Broadway run, the play’s authors may want to consider condensing the show and pitching it as a source of after-hours entertainment for New York law firms at their holiday parties. Or perhaps the play could serve as the starting point for a television sitcom or a musical satire like “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.”
Who knew that personal injury attorneys could be so funny?
Asylum NYC, 123 East 24th St., cellino-v-barnes.com. Through Oct. 13.
