BY BETH FISCHGRUND, Ph.D. | Women like casual sex, as long as we think the person is attractive and likely to give us sexual pleasure — and we like it as much as men do.
The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (a sample of people across the U.S.) found that 45.7 percent of women and 44.1 percent of men reported that their last sexual encounter was with a casual dating partner, friend or new acquaintance. So what about all the traits that women are supposedly attracted to, such as stability, status and financial security? Yes, women are attracted to these attributes when they are describing their ideal long-term partners — but when it comes to casual sex, researchers show that women want good-looking guys who will please them sexually. Would you rather have a one-night stand with a poor Brad Pitt or the rich and stable but unattractive guy who keeps messaging you on Match.com?
Researchers from the University of Copenhagen studied people’s responses when someone of the opposite gender approaches them on the street and asks if they would like to go home with or like to sleep with him/her. Single women were significantly more likely to agree if they found him very attractive compared to if they found him average looking. However, single men were equally willing to go home with a woman or to sleep with her if they found her attractive or not. It is not this simple though, because what a woman is sexually attracted to changes along with her menstrual cycle.
Recent research shows that when a woman is most fertile, she is more turned on by physically attractive men and by men who have characteristically masculine traits (e.g., deep voice, manly smell, masculine facial features) than when she is not as fertile. In addition to the increased importance on looks, a woman is also more open to engaging in casual sex with these attractive men during the fertile phase of her cycle than she is at other times of the month. These findings hold true even for women in relationships. A woman’s attraction to other men is even heightened if the men are more attractive and manlier than her boyfriend/husband.
However, women have orgasms more during sex with a boyfriend/husband than they do during casual sex, which makes casual sex less desirable. Women want to be pleased. New research by Conley at the University of Michigan shows that women are much more likely to have casual sex with a guy if she thinks he will be good in bed than if she doesn’t. Researchers found that a woman’s perception of whether a man will be a good lover is a stronger predictor of her willingness to sleep with him than is his status, warmth, or emotional stability. Not surprisingly, thinking that a guy might have an STD is a strong deterrent to a woman wanting to have casual sex with him. But does this hold true for the real world? Are women more open to casual sex than society norms suggest?
Palagia, the founder of OneLegUp parties and a Chelsea resident, would agree. She decided to create an environment where women could feel comfortable being sexual without feeling compromised or groped by men. She started OneLegUp (a service devoted to promoting a “Sensual Movement for women and men”) in 1998. Palagia notes that increasingly, women are seeking out these parties — not their male partners. The application for the parties inquires which partner’s decision it was to attend these parties (90 percent of the time, it is the female’s). Palagia expressed that over the last decade, men have become skittish and restrictive at the parties. Women, however, have remained receptive to trying new things. Women usually instigate the sexual play and are more open to sexuality, according to Palagia.
OneLegUp has two main types of events, Take-Outs and Eat-Ins, both which are open to couples and single women. Take-Outs are a milder introduction to the world of sexual fantasy. They are public events thrown in lounges and venues throughout the city, mostly in Chelsea, and forbid any sex play beyond making-out and groping. Eat-Ins are private parties to explore one’s sexual boundaries and safe, consensual play and fantasy are encouraged. Palagia had been throwing the Eat-In parties at the Chelsea Hotel for the past 11 years — until the hotel banned these events just hours before her party last May. Palagia explained, “People need to get rid of their mental restrictions to explore fantasy. It is just a moment in time, separate it from your real life.”
Numerous arenas exist for women to meet casual partners, from sensual parties like OneLegUp to bars to Internet sites. Although rates vary, women use the Internet to find sexual partners almost as much as heterosexual men do. While dating and seeking sex on the Internet has it share of risks, it can have benefits too, such as allowing women a place to screen potential partners and a place to explore their sexuality. It also might be a safer venue for a woman to be assertive with her sexuality. Conley found that women assumed men who approached them for casual sex would be bad in bed, whereas men guessed that women who approached them for casual encounters would be good in bed.
New research and trends in the sexuality of NYC women suggest that women are just as sexual as men, as long as the setting is right, the guy is hot, and sexual pleasure is likely. However, given that men approach women for casual sex much more than women approach men, there might be a much simpler reason why women are pickier — because we can be.
Chelsea Now welcomes Beth Fischgrund as a regular contributor (writing on issues of female sexuality). Fischgrund has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and lives in Honolulu, Hawaii.
For more information on OneLegUp, visit onelegupnyc.com.
